My soon to-be-wedded friend celebrated her bachelorette by drinking around the world at Disney’s Epcot. I had the pleasure of joining in on the festivities, and I took the opportunity to interview the girls somewhere between Japan and Morocco.
The Bride: She loves Disney almost more than she loves her fiancé.
Little Sister of the Bride: She just met me on this trip, and it’s her newfound dream to be featured on my blog. Her selfie game is on point.
Make-Up Artist: She gets us all looking photo-ready by using us all of us to practice the make-up skills she learns from drag queens on YouTube.
Disney Princess: All you need to know about Disney Princess is that a little girl came up her and asked her which Disney character she was.
Resting Bitch Face: She’s the only one of the group that is already married. She doesn’t actually hate everything, she just looks like she does.
Here is what they had to say about traveling for a bachelorette party.
GnomeTrotting: So what made Epcot the perfect bachelorette destination for you?
TB: You get to go to all the different countries. It’s like traveling without traveling.
MUA: You can get fucked up in every country without leaving one place.
GT: What do you feel makes a good bachelorette destination?
TB: I want to get wasted and relax as much as possible.
MUA: I want to force my friends to do something they wouldn’t normally do.
DP: I’d like to go to Paris or London!
Everyone: That’s a honeymoon!
DP: I just want to see castles and experience nature.
LSB: What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
GT: How badly do you want to know what the boys are doing?
TB: So bad. On a scale of 1/10… 20. It’s not that I care. It’s that I’m nervous about how safe they’re being. I don’t think he’s fucking a stripper. But I’m scared he might die or get arrested in this undisclosed location.
Esther (MUA’s 60-year old Jewish alter ego): You know, in my day, there was no undisclosed locations. You knew where your husband was at any moment.
GT: How do you get someone to put a ring on it?
MUA: Be yourself.
TB: Yeah, just be yourself.
LSB: By hating them. You have to be very annoyed by someone. You hate them, and they love that you hate them.
GT: How much do you want to remember this bachelorette?
TB: All of it.
RBF: Let’s go to Morocco!
GT: What’s the difference between traveling with friends and with a partner?
TB: Traveling with my fiancé is more about spending time together and romance. Traveling with friends is a shitshow. Traveling with friends is definitely more fun.
MUA: Yeah, we get to wake up and get ready together. We got to have fun with each other and do our make up.
LSB: The destination is more fun with your significant other. The journey is more fun with friends.
GT: But do you miss having sex on your vacation?
TB: No. Zero percent.
LSB: And if you do, you have a one-night stand.
MUA: It’s only one weekend.
TB: Yeah, it’s not like “Damn, I wish I was here with him instead of 6 girls. I’m like “Thank God I have a night off.”
GT: Do you think Disney in particular is more fun with friends or a significant other?
TB: Your significant other. There’s nothing like being here with him. If I had to pick one group, I’d rather go with him.
MUA: It’s quality fun in different ways.
LSB: I pick friends. You have a funner time.
GT: What could a girl do on the trip to ruin your bachelorette?
MUA: Get so wasted that you need babysitting.
LSB: Shit on themselves.
GT: What’s your favorite country at Epcot?
TB: Mexico. That’s where you kick everything off with a shot.
RBF: France, cause it’s delicious.
DP: Norway, except for that nasty shot they have.
MUA: The UK. I love the piano bar where you get to sing along.
GT: Do you miss having more dick-related entertainment on your bachelorette?
TB: Hell no. I don’t want a dick swinging in my face like an orangutan.
MUA: I don’t want that ever. In your private life, do you like a guy swinging his dick in your face?
RBF: Helicopter dick to impress a chick.
DP: No, I think I’m good on the dick front.
GT: Do you think you have to sacrifice travel alone when you get married?
RBF: If you don’t do things with your friends or alone, your relationship is sick.
TB: It’s a big deal for us to be apart. I don’t like being away from him that long. I think it’s good that we like to spend that much time together. I tell him I miss him when he goes to the bathroom.
MUA: My boyfriend is used to it. I travel without him all the time.
LSB: I went to Europe without my boyfriend.
GT: What do you think about a last fling before the wedding? Would you do it?
TB: Hell no. Break up! That’s not acceptable. I would never accept it or expect him to accept it.
GT: What are some tips for other people planning a bachelorette trip?
MUA: Know your limits.
TB: Don’t throw up on your friends.
LSB: Don’t be a whore but have a good time.
RBF: My advice is bring cocaine.