The thoughts you have on an 9.5-hour bus in Europe

I’ve only ever taken trains to travel through Europe but in the interest of saving money, on a recent journey from Amsterdam to Berlin, I booked a bus. These are my bus thoughts while on that 8 hour trek that ended up being 9.5 hours.

1. I have to sit in the last row? Great. Thank you dudes that are together but sat in different rows so you can sleep.
2. There’s working outlets, thank God.
3. There’s WiFi, thank God.
4. I’m excited to write for the next 8 hours.
5. Dude, could you recline any farther? Your hair is on my lap. Thanks for almost cracking my laptop screen, by the way.
6. Fun fun fun on the autobahn.
7. Awesome! I wrote a whole article.
8. I have carpal tunnel now.
9. I’m already kinda hungry. Good thing we bought these sandwiches.
10. What’s happening to the WiFi? Nonononono no no no. Great.
11. Fun fun fun on the autobahn.
12. I’m pretty sure that song is not in English and it is probably not saying fun at all.
13. Wir fahren fahren fahren auf der autobahn.
14. “There’s a slowdown on your route causing 1 hr 52 min delay.” Is this fucking real life?
15. This is no fun fun fun on the autobahn.
16. It’s so hot in here. I know it’s cool outside but how much are you really saving by not turning on the air? Dick.
17. I should have taken the train. How much more could it have cost?
18. Still no WiFi. Pretty sure it was only working in the Netherlands.
19. Did this guy seriously just recline even lower? I’m gonna kill him.
20. I’m gonna kill myself.
21. I am STARVING. When does this bus stop?
22. We should have bought 7 sandwiches.
23. Fun fun fun on the autobahn.
24. I should have just stayed in Amsterdam.
25. Did someone just shit themselves?
26. I can’t believe I have to hold my laptop like a serving tray to be able to write. This guy sucks. Doesn’t he know my seat can’t recline?
27. I wonder how much solo performers get paid in the Red Light District.
28. Are we seriously driving on the street to avoid this traffic jam.
29. What a beautiful shithole this German town is.
30. I could live here.
31. I’m pretty sure these roads weren’t built for commuter buses.
32. God, I really wanna write another article but I’m so cramped.
33. If Anne Frank can write a book in that secret annex, you can write a fucking blog post.
34. If I get the WiFi back, I’ll keep writing.
35. Nope, no WiFi.
36. Fun fun fun on the autobahn.
37. Finally, were stopping for food. I really don’t want fast food. I’ll just have a sandwich.
38. I wonder if I could just hitchhike the rest of the way.
39. I’m so jealous of my sleeping friend.
40. If I throw myself back against this chair hard enough, is it possible my seat will go through the back of the bus?
41. I hate buses so much.
42. Fun fun fun on the autobahn.
43. Why do Germans hate WiFi?
44. The German countryside is beautiful.
45. I’m so sick of looking at it.
46. I should have eaten 7 sandwiches.
47. I can’t wait to be knee-deep in German Currywurst and Pilsner for the next 4 days.
48. 😉
49. Fun fu.. I fucking hate Kraftwerk.
50. If my iPod dies, I’m gonna kill myself. (Yes, that is a real thought I’m having in 2016. I still own an iPod.)
51. I won’t skip any songs to save battery.
52. What the fuck is this?
53. I’m just gonna put Beyoncé’s Lemonade on repeat.
54. I could listen to this album a million times and never understand why she took Jay-Z back.
55. If Beyoncé was traveling from Amsterdam to Berlin, she would be on a private jet.
56. I wish I was Beyoncé.
57. It’s so hot in here. I probably smell so bad.
58. I woke up like dis.
59. My belongings are scattered all over this bus. When I get out of here I’m definitely gonna leave my jacket, laptop, neck pillow, or sanity.
60. The bathrooms at these rest stops in Germany are outrageously gross.
61. Thank God, we are in Berlin! Only 1 hour and 15 minutes behind schedule.
62. Wait.. This bus station is how far from city center?
63. What.
64. I have to take another bus!?
65. Fuck it, let’s just Uber the rest of the way.
66. Or as the Germans call it, über.