Tinder: Europe versus Miami

I think we can all collectively agree that Tinder is a dating hell. It’s where the worst of people come together to superficially rate each other and desperately try to hook up. But I didn’t realize just how bad I had it before until I tried using it abroad. What a difference an ocean makes…

Scrolling through profiles in Europe:

“Wow, this guy has been to India, has a gorgeous dog and volunteered in a South American school.”

Scrolling through profiles in Miami:

“This guy really loves his own abs.”

Making first contact in Europe:

“Hi, there. You strike me as a really interesting person. Do you live here or are you visiting?”

Making first contact in Miami:

“hey cutie”

Getting to know each other in Europe:

-What do you do?

-I work for an international IT firm, which is weird because I actually studied political science and literature. What kind of work do you do?

Getting to know each other in Miami:

-What do you do?

-i do marketing for a few places on south beach. i’d like to take you there sometime 😉


-wanna see a picture of my dick?

Planning dates in Europe:

“Do you like photography? There’s a new exhibit at the national museum that I’ve been wanting to check out. It’s supposed to be great.”

Planning dates in Miami:

“wanna chill?”

Language barrier in Europe:

“I think it’s absolutely shocking that Britain is leaving the EU. My friends living there all think this is an atrocity.

Is that the right word? Sorry, my English is not so good.”

Language barrier in Miami:

“Theirs a good drink spot by Sunset place if u wanna go.”

Unexpected surprises in Europe:

“You visited Krakow? That’s where I was born! My family owns a Polish restaurant in Old Town.”

Unexpected surprises in Miami:

“I have the kids this weekend but we can still hang out after they go to sleep if your down.”

Making effort in Europe:

-It’s a shame you live so far. It’s four hours by train.

-Do you want to just take a train halfway and meet somewhere in the middle?

Making effort in Miami:

“Hey I don’t have a car right now so I can only meet you after work by my job if that’s ok.”

When plans don’t quite work out in Europe:

“I’m sorry… I can’t make it today. I forgot I promised some friends we would go out for drinks. But you’re welcome to join us! I’m sure they would love to meet you.”

When plans don’t quite work out in Miami:

“Hey I’m going to have to cancel. My wife was supposed to go out with her friends tonight but she’s staying in so I can’t leave. Next time?”

Keeping the conversation going in Europe:

“I had a great time yesterday. Maybe next time we can go to the Farmer’s market and I’ll cook something for you.”

Keeping the conversation going in Miami:

*dick pic*


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