Top 10 places to go to forget the world is a disaster

Horrible news got you down? Had enough disaster, war, and murder to last you a lifetime? Why not escape to the places of the world where everything is beautiful and nothing hurts? These are the best places in the world to go to when you want to forget the world is a disaster.

1. The Greek Islands

Did your state get an erroneous text that there was an incoming nuclear missile heading your way? Go to a better island! The Greek islanders don’t give a fuck about anything. When their country’s economy was in the toilet and Athens was basically a police state, the people in Ios were like, “Who, what now? Do you want another shot? I’m gonna go smoke a cigarette” In the summer, it’s full of Australians who are there to party and fuck and forget about the natural horrors of their own country.

2. Ireland

You know what will help you grieve the 96 people that die in the US from gun violence every day? A pint of Guinness and a shot of Jameson. Is it even possible to be sad when you’re that drunk? I wouldn’t know. But if you need a little pick me up, go listen to some traditional Irish folk music in a dive bar in Dublin and Lord of the Dance yourself into forgetting the world is a disaster.

3. Malta

Islands are the best places to go to forget how depressing the world is. These are also the least likely to be bombed by North Korea (unless you’re Hawaii. If so, see #1.) Malta is the adorable island nation south of Italy with better weather than anywhere else in Europe. It’s on every best-place-to-visit-in-2018 list because let’s face it, every travel article you ever read is regurgitated crap someone else wrote.

4. Iceland

There were four murders in Iceland in 2017. That’s double their national average of 2. Iceland is the best country in the world to walk around in and not feel like someone is gonna riddle your body with bullets at any second. It’s fucking freezing though. Take a coat.

5. Tokyo

Tokyo is an amazing playground for people who never grew up. It’s where you can have donuts that look like cartoon characters before you hit an arcade for three hours to win a stuffed bear you don’t even want. You literally can’t process bad news because there is so much sensory overload that your brain won’t allow it. Are you grieving a dead pet? It doesn’t matter! All the pets in Japan are robotic.

6. The Seychelles

When I feel bad about losing my health insurance, I just look at pictures of the beaches in the Seychelles and I feel better. This archipelago off the coast of Africa has everything you could ever want: beautiful views, luxury, and so much distance from the rest of the world that you probably don’t even get cell service. That’s where I want to live out the rest of my days when the rest of the modern world becomes a nuclear wasteland.

7. Thailand

This one is kind of a paradox because Thailand is a mess right now. It’s been under martial law since 2014. Free speech and the internet is restricted. But with street food that good, who gives a fuck? You don’t wanna go online anyway. It’s terrible there. You’re just gonna see videos of high school classrooms being shot up. Honestly, just have a Thai tea and a bowl of mango and sticky rice and forget that the rest of the world exists. Maybe catch a ladyboy show. FABULOUS!

8. Machu Picchu

I would never wholeheartedly recommend this place to someone unless you’re so tired of seeing the president tweet stupid shit that you’re about to cut your veins open. Machu Picchu is a beautiful place to realize that society once had so much potential and was so much more put together, even with less technology. Look at all the shit they built! Those rocks are heavy! Climb every single one until you don’t feel anything anymore except pride that you didn’t die on Machu Picchu Mountain.

9. Germany

Though it’s not normally my style, going out in Berlin until 8 am is one of the best ways to forget how fucking awful this world is. You don’t even have to get prepared for it. You can wear whatever garbage you woke up in. But as long as you look like you’re gonna dance yourself to death, they’ll let you in. I’m not huge on drugs but if you get into Berghain, make an exception. Get enough molly and cocaine to last you an entire weekend at Ultra.

10. A Cold War era bunker, anywhere

Aren’t you sick of hearing about Syrians getting gassed to death? Or politicians selling human lives to the NRA? Or ISIS doing whatever the fuck it is they do? Or Puerto Rico still being without power like 6 months after Hurricane Maria? Don’t you just wanna go underground for like 3 years? I mean, honestly, with the right playlist and enough chocolate and booze, I could make a sweet life for myself in a Cold War bunker. A nuclear bunker is the perfect place to create your own reality because the real world is a disaster.





One response to “Top 10 places to go to forget the world is a disaster”

  1. Alycia Avatar

    This incredible! I love your voice, and thanks for publishing.

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