travel fuck-it list

The travel fuck-it list: travel experiences NOT to do before you die

Everyone is familiar with the bucket list – all the destinations to visit and experiences to have before you kick the bucket. But there’s a growing backlash to living your life based on a check list, collecting experiences like Pokemon cards. More and more people are embracing the fact that doing things “just to say you’ve done it once” is fucking stupid. Enter, the fuck-it list. The fuck-it list is precisely a list of all the things you specifically want to avoid doing in your life.

The great thing about making a travel fuck-it list is that it’s a to-do list that is complete the second you create it. You don’t have to do anything to check things off your fuck-it list except not do them. These are the activities am I relegating to the travel fuck-it list.

Celebrate NYE in Times Square

I can’t imagine an activity less appealing than waiting in the cold for 10-12 hours to celebrate the most overrated holiday of the year. In disgusting, overcrowded New York City no less.

Climb Mt. Kilimanjaro

Africa’s highest peak, measuring more than 5,800 meters, might be a great bucket list activity for an experienced hiker. But I couldn’t even handle leisurely strolling at Cusco’s 3,399-meter altitude. So the only way I would ever climb Kilimanjaro is if I paid someone to pull me up on a stretcher while on oxygen. Pass.

Ditto for Mt. Everest obviously. In a world where you can be anything, why would you choose to become a human popsicle?

Go cage diving with sharks in South Africa

This is one of the more popular bucket list activities for adventure travelers, which I decidedly am not. I can’t even tread water in a resort pool, so I have no business being dumped into the ocean in a cage just to get up close with a shark. I can go to an aquarium for that.

Run with the bulls in Spain

This is an activity designed for idiots. I’ve never wanted to run for my life from a charging animal, nor am I particularly interested in watching someone get impaled while running for their life. So I don’t think I’d be interested in attending as a runner or spectator.

Visit every country in the world

A common bucket list activity for most travel bloggers, but not me. This is firmly on my fuck-it list for reasons related to ethics, safety, and complete lack of interest in some destinations. Not even with all the money in the world would I want to visit every country in the world.

Dive the Great Barrier Reef

The largest reef in the world is mostly dead now due in part to unsustainable tourism to the area. I can live without contributing to that.

Drive Route 66

travel fuck-it list

I can think of a thousand more scenic drives all over the world than one that takes you through some of America’s worst states for absolutely no reason except to feel nostalgic about early long-distance road travel. Gas is expensive and time is short. To the fuck-it list with this one.

Visit every UNESCO World Heritage Site

A bucket list item for people who think they’re cultured. UNESCO sites are landmarks that are protected for having some cultural or natural significance. There are more than a thousand UNESCO World Heritage Sites, and honestly, not all of them warrant a visit. My apartment building in Prague is probably a UNESCO World Heritage Site just because it’s old.

Sleep in an igloo

I’m not talking about luxurious igloo hotels that are shaped like a dome and look like an interior design magazine – that, I may still do one day. But paying a premium to sleep in a sleeping bag in a real-made-of-snow room… that’s a hard pass from me. I don’t even like putting my feet on a cold floor in a regular hotel.

Take the Trans-Siberian Railway

I do appreciate a good train ride, but not when most of it is through Russia and China. I can’t imagine supporting two of the most oppressive and aggressive regimes in the world, giving up all my privacy during my trip, and wasting a week or two of my life to visit what… Vladivostok?

Go to Burning Man

I don’t know a single person who has been to Burning Man who doesn’t rave about it being the most incredible life-changing experience. But I barely survived the sandstorms and the heat at Coachella, and at least that had three days of live music. Why would I ever want to hang out in the desert for a week to just see weirdos roam around on drugs? I don’t know that Black Rock would change my life in a positive way.

Go skiing in the Alps

I do love a beautiful mountain resort. But skiing is a thing you learned to do as a child if you’re rich in America or a regular person in Europe, where it’s a run-of-the-mill winter activity for everyone. As I am neither, skiing from any significant altitude would probably just end up putting me in the hospital. I’ve never broken a bone in my body, and I’m not keen to start now by barreling down a frozen mountain.

Visit the Australian Outback

I’m sure I’ll make it to Australia one day, but its humongous arid and uninhabited center is not the most appealing destination in the country. Sounds like a huge unnecessary detour to see a giant rock and terrifying wildlife.

This is certainly not an exhaustive travel fuck-it list, but it’s long enough to make me feel accomplished at having done none of these things. What’s on your fuck-it list?

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