Travel is overrated

Aren’t you sick of people like me telling you how amazing travel is all the time? I’m going to be honest, it’s not really all that. Here is why travel is overrated.

Travel is expensive

Do you know what it’s like to work long hours for months and pick up a few side gigs to bolster your savings, only to blow half of it on a couple of days in London? The food is not even that good! And it’s not like it’s a special occasion, like your wedding. I mean, London will always be there. But your money won’t be. Wise up!

Travel is exhausting

People love to talk about how they need a break from the daily stresses of life. But traveling is no vacation. Airline delays, long flights, exhausting train trips, endless walking tours – all of that takes a toll on your body. All so you can go back to your regular life and find that the work was piling up while you were gone. So not only are you tired, now you also have more work. You might as well have just stuck around the office to save yourself the grief.

Travel distracts from what’s really important

A lot of young people are obsessed with travel nowadays. (Maybe it’s because housing costs are increasing but it’s becoming cheaper and cheaper to fly.) But those short term trips take away from the truly important things in life, like a good house in the suburbs and a nice car to drive to work in. When you’re 80, you’ll look back on your life and think to yourself, “What the hell was I doing fucking around in these European castles (they all look the same anyway) when I could have been renovating the floors of my new half a million dollar starter home?” Priorities, people.

Travel looks better online

We need to collectively give up our obsession with Pinterest and travel blogs. Because those beautiful photos are fake! When you hike the temples in Kyoto, it’ll be underwhelming and full of people, and you’ll wish you had just stayed home watching “Lost in Translation” for the 4th time. Because that’s a more accurate representation of what Japan is really like. Boring and depressing.

Travel doesn’t teach you anything you can’t learn in a book

Anyone who says they learn interesting things abroad is just trying to justify that expensive vacation they’re going to spend the next 3 months paying off. We all took high school history. I know what the Colosseum looks like; I’ve seen it a thousand times on TV. And we’ve all seen Schindler’s List. So there’s really no point in seeing historical sites with your own eyes except to show off to your friends. Anything you can learn abroad, you can also learn by watching documentaries on Netflix.

It’s time to get real

I’ve been on the move for almost a year, and to be honest, I’m so bored of it. I’m starting to miss working hard to move up in a company that doesn’t care about me so I can make someone else rich. Because when I attend my next high school graduation, I want to be able to say I’m a C-level executive.

You’re never going to be younger and more active than you are in this moment. So it’s time to work hard and plan for the future. Travel is for the people who have kept their nose to the grindstone their whole lives and deserve it. Trust me, a 6 mile hike in Santorini is going to be way more rewarding when you’re retired and you feel like you really earned it!

Just kidding, suckers. Don’t believe anything you read on April Fool’s! (And it’s probably best to remain skeptical the other 364 days of the year.)